Have you ever perfected a skill with more than 10,000 hours of deliberate practice? For me, listening is the lifelong interest that continues to delight and amaze me. While low profile and often under-valued, the skill of listening has brought me many fruits. In this short article I describe some key insights and the power that can be found through this receptive art.
Listening deeply is much more than receiving the words of another. It is about creating enough inner space for the thoughts, emotions and feelings of another to land safely. Pure listening is mindfulness. It requires preparing a relatively quiet, peaceful and open inner environment. In listening, I attune to the constantly changing experience of my whole body. I let the words, sounds, tones, silence, gestures and energetic field of the other resonate.
Learning to listen deeply is a process with two sides. Most obviously, it is about opening and relaxing to the ways that others experience the world. Sometimes it is surprising or even shocking how different another person’s views or experiences of life could be. I need to soften my reactions, allowing things to be as they are, and openly receiving the unique expression of my dialogue partner.
Equally important is the other side of this learning journey, to listen to myself. With listening practice I may notice my own hidden beliefs, unconscious stories, habitual projections and protective numbness. And as I have practiced exposing these parts to the light, over many hours of listening, I find I can see, hear and feel others and the world at large much more clearly. This is a gift of exceptional value.
Deep listening is self healing. In staying present and open to listen, I learn to know and accept how I am: the beautiful and the ugly. Only then can I begin to understand and reconfigure myself in a way that includes all of the world before me, and all of my positive intentions.
On this journey of learning to listen, my capacity to accept the world has expanded. And paradoxically, acceptance is the most powerful step towards change. If I do not accept others’ actions (littering, yelling, killing etc.) I cannot be a part of the healing of those actions. I am unintentionally part of the problem. Importantly, accepting is not the same as endorsing. Without acceptance there is resistance which is ultimately blinding.
The lesson of acceptance is a high one, worthy of spiritual masters. I am grateful for the teaching of Buddhist monk Thich Naht Hanh whose poem Please Call Me by My True Names has served as a checkpoint of my progress. The journey itself requires acceptance of how far there is to go. And yet, once you know how, every moment of life provides the opportunity to practice.
Listening deeply is a distinguishing capacity for human development. AI cannot do it because AI does not live in an animate body. Our human bodies, with training, can sense subtle aspects of reality that most people miss and that machines are completely blind to. Deep listening generates Awareness/Love which is a force of immense power.
It is time for humans to upgrade their abilities in listening. And in doing so we will cultivate the means to take the lead in creating the more beautiful world we know is possible.