Do you make New Year’s Resolutions? Or do you set intentions or hold expectations for the coming year?
A once-a-year re-grouping or annual planning has some big benefits. It can be motivating and create a stronger focus when a sustained effort is necessary. It is also an opportunity to reflect on the longer time span of a year, to make course corrections that have been accumulating and that will continue to affect you over the coming 12 months. The holidays provide some distance from day-to-day happenings so you can better clarify a longterm vision or direction.
I’d like to share some discoveries I’ve made regarding resolutions, intentions and expectations in the hopes that they can help you make 2008 unfold as your best year ever.
Resolutions
“I hereby resolve to… exercise for 30 minutes every day for the next 12 months.”
Resolutions sound powerful. And yet very often their power comes from wishful thinking and the resolution soon turns into disappointment. Most resolutions come from an external source, such as the nagging of others, an old parental voice (which seems internal but is actually merely a memory of someone else), or a judgment you have of yourself.
Think about the reasons for making your resolution. If you notice the word ‘should’, it’s a sign that you are imposing the resolution on yourself rather than actually wanting it.
Resolutions are often much too specific. Very specific resolutions are likely to be broken and once this happens they are often dropped completely with a feeling of failure. On the sample resolution above, if I miss one day of exercise, I will have broken my resolution and so the power of it is lost. I may think to myself that I’ve failed anyway, so why carry on?
Conversely, resolutions can be limiting. By focusing on this one way of getting in shape, I may be missing many other alternative fitness strategies that are available thoughout the year.
Resolutions are also often made in avoidance of something (like being unfit) rather than in support of or in creation of something (like being healthy) which is much more motivating.
Strong resolutions that can be met successfully come from a deeper internal commitment for something you truly want. A ‘resolution’ like that can also be called an ‘intention’.
Intentions
“2008 will be the year I become fit.”
An intention is an act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result. It keeps the end in mind and focuses on the purpose. An intention gathers our attention on something significant or meaningful.
The most potent intentions come from a deep level of yearning. At their best, intentions have a clear outcome with built-in freedom to create that outcome as works best over time and according to circumstances. Their motivational power comes not from their rigidity but from the draw of the result.
To create a powerful intention requires some soul-searching. What do you really want? What is next for you? What will lead you to your heart’s desire?
You can test out different intentions or themes for your coming year to see which ones pull you or attract you the most.
The clearer and more fully formed your intentions are, the more they will guide you and motivate you to bring them into reality.
Expectations
“I expect to complete the Trailwalker race* in under 25 hours.”
The paradox of expectations is that they are the sole cause of all problems and yet we cannot live without them.
Expectations are an avoidable aspect of our lives and an intrinsic part of any thinking about the future. Can you plan your next meal without an expectation? No. And would you want to? I guess not! Why give up the pleasure of thinking about a delicious meal in the future? Future expectations can be very enjoyable and are part of our daily motivation.
As we plan our futures we naturally expect certain outcomes. When we keep our expectations high we are ready and able to achieve much more than if we expect very little.
And yet expectations, at least unmet ones, account for virtually all negative emotions. We carry a complex pattern of expectations for ourselves, the people around us, our organizations, governments and the world. We expect things from our futures, and even of our pasts! And when some of those expectations are not met, we feel angry, cheated, hurt or depressed.
The phrasing of an expectation gives the impression of entitlement, as if someone or something else is supposed to grant our expectations without our effort and beyond our control.
The sample expectation above could be motivating and inspiring. And if held tightly, it could become a source of many problems for the racer and the team.
While expectations can be fun and useful I remind myself to hold them very lightly so that I can exchange them for better ones at any time. For example, I might choose half way through my race to set a new expectation that I will finish in 30 hours while supporting others to complete the event safely.
(By the way, I have no intention of doing the Trailwalker race. It’s just an example!)
Envisioning
“I see myself crossing the finishing line with glee.”
An alternative to setting expectations is to envision what you want. Visions of the future can be very inspiring, especially when they include all the senses to create a complete picture with sound and feeling to evoke what you want. Visions can include only key details or they can be rich in complexity, giving a complete picture of how you want things to unfold.
Unlike expectations, the futures we envision are created by ourselves without an implication of entitlement. And our visions can change in the blink of an eye as situations change. Even so, it’s helpful to remember not to get too attached to our visions. Let them develop and adapt as times change.
For example, the statement above is only one part of this potential vision. The whole vision could include many details of the accomplishment itself and all the steps leading up to it. The exact details will change as the athlete discovers better ways to prepare for and accomplish the goal.
The Best Motivator
Resolutions and expectations have their places. Setting intentions and envisioning the future are two powerful ways to clarify what you want and motivate yourself for the year ahead.
*The Trailwalker race is an annual 100km rugged trail team race in Hong Kong.